25 Random Things About Jeff
Rules: Once
you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note
with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about
you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have
to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's
not that I care so much about you especially, but
because since birth I have had a need to express myself
through poetry, prose, and song.
1. I am considering jumping out the window.
2. We have bars on our windows because the landlord
won't remove them. NYC law requires proof that you have
no children living in your apartment.
3. I believe there may be ghosts of children living in
this apartment. Elves, definitely.
4. My right testicle hangs lower than the other three.
5. I have a tendency to overshare.
6. I would like to be on a Franklin Mint plate and sold
on the TV.
7. Sometimes when my cell phone rings and I don't
recognize the number, I wonder if it will be the
Franklin Mint, asking permission.
8. When it is not the Franklin Mint, I am secretly
relieved because I couldn't bear the disappointment if
my plate didn't sell well.
9. I am plagued by insecurity and fear of failure.
10. Kittens.
11. Sparkle ponies.
12. My desire to jump out of the window has passed.
13. Steve and I live on the fourth floor, which for some
reason is called the second floor, and I worry that I
might survive if I did want to jump, which I don't right
now.
14. I get no pleasure from seeing myself or others in a
wheelchair.
15. Except I did feel some satisfaction seeing Dick
Cheney on Inauguration Day.
16. I wonder if when I say hi to people on the street
and have a conversation and then walk away, whether they
think, "Bitter, bitter person."
17. I wonder if that happens more often when I have
conversations with people I know versus strangers.
19. If you knew what I was wearing, you might very well
be aroused, appalled, or indifferent.
20. I am wondering if anybody noticed I skipped number
18. It was only because I worry about giving too much of
myself away.
21. I sometimes wonder if the people getting in touch
with me after many years are my high school friends, or
are in truth a top-secret computer program devised by
the government to keep tabs on me.
18. Much of my life is spent making up for infractions
that exist only in my head.
22. Some days I would like nothing more than a
glistening drop of Retsyn.
23. If I followed the logic to its end I might realize
that Retsyn is a marketing tool and not a cleansing,
pure blast of icy freshness to cleanse my mouth, my
mouth which is a metaphor for my sins. I choose not to
follow that logic and accept the world on its surface.
24. Sparkle ponies. Sparkle ponies. Rainbows. The
laughter of children. The ghost children.
25. I am considering jumping out the window.